Marriage Year Two

 

Time, honestly, is an amazing thing. We have accomplished a lot in another year of marriage. It is hard enough learning and understanding one person, but with a blended family comes even greater issues–and greater blessings–that I never considered until I married my husband. I never thought, as I grew up dreaming of my future marriage and children, that I would end up being in a blended family and I would be a step-mother–Disney scarred me as a child–but I am truly honored to be. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it has been the most rewarding, too.

I have no children of my own yet so I knew little about raising a child when I married and I felt overwhelmed. If I could go back, I would tell myself to be patient, not expect so much right away, and to just let some things go! No one raises children the same and there isn’t a “wrong” or “right” way–unless you are doing something obviously dangerous or stupid. My husband and I have had to come to an understanding here and, frankly, it wasn’t easy.

Joining a blended family–especially as with no children of your own–is like throwing someone who doesn’t really know how to swim into a large body of water–a lot of fighting, lot of just treading water, and a feeling of “pride” when you survive. Thankfully, I wasn’t the only one compromising. I am blessed and my husband has been willing to see things from my point of view as well. We are a team and that is a must in any marriage, blended or not.

We started dating in 2012 and I thought we knew each other so well before the “I dos”. It’s funny how much you continue to learn about one another over the years and how much that deep love can grow. I love my husband, therefore, I love my step-son. If you are a step-parent, see your step-child through the eyes of Grace and let the Lord place His love in your heart. It isn’t natural to love someone’s child as your own, it is a choice and, once you are able to do so, it is the most amazing and freeing experience. It isn’t easy and it can’t be forced, but I have never seen love as a feeling, but an action. Once I acted on that love, it grew and I am so thankful for the bonds in my family.

There are trials in life, but we don’t stop living. There are trials in marriage so we need to keep on loving. Marriage isn’t easy and blended families are even more difficult, but it is always worth the outcome. Never give up on your precious family. There have been many tears over the past two years as I tried desperately to fight my way through the waters, but every moment has been worth it because I have grown as a person and I know the Lord is making me into the wife and mother that He wants me to be.

You have to have a support system and someone you can trust, you can’t keep things bottled up. I joined groups and message boards for support; it was so comforting to see that other people were struggling like I was and it helped me through the dark times. It was a blessing to see other step-mother’s share advice and how they had made their families work. Don’t struggle in the storm alone! At the very least, spend time in prayer and let the Lord show you the truth.

Thank you to my wonderful husband, Justin! You have been patient, loving, and understanding. I appreciate your guidance and I look forward to this beautiful new year together! I know the Lord has many amazing journeys for us. Happy Anniversary!

K.N. Proctor

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

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My Low Carb, High Fat Journey

 

“Low carb, high fat”, “keto”.You have possible heard of this diet before. A lot of people call this merely a “fad”. More people, like me, call this a new lifestyle. One that I believe will lengthen my life. With better control, comes less chance of complications and that is worth it all.

When I first heard of LCHF, I thought it would be impossible and, honestly, I laughed at the idea. The more I read about it from type one diabetics, the more interested I became. It took some time for me to finally give in and try it. Now, I wish I could go back and start sooner.

Everything about LCHF–low carb, high fat–seems wrong after all I have heard over the years since my diagnosis in 2003. The American Diabetes Association recommends 45 to 60 carbohydrates per *meal*, which is entirely too much for any person let alone someone with diabetes. Yes, we can inject more insulin and cover for it, but I have ridden that roller-coaster for far too long.

In October of last year, I started this diet. It took little time for me to see results and I was soon sold on the idea. When my endocrinologist appointment came up, I was excited to see where I was. My doctor wasn’t too thrilled with the idea because 30 grams a day was entirely too low for her liking. I didn’t dare let this stop me. Weight loss and better blood sugar control motivated me enough to continue.

My first A1C result floored me. I couldn’t believe it. 5.9! I hadn’t seen that number since shortly after my diagnosis, and that was achieved simply because of so many lows. This time, however, my blood sugars were steadier. My A1C before was 6.5, which is below what the ADA recommends, but I worked so hard to achieve that. With the low carb, it was so much easier.

High blood sugars happened a lot more before this diet. Now, if I see 120, I am concerned. I try to stay in the range recommended for a non-diabetic, which is 70-99. If I go above, I feel horrible. I could tolerate occasionally being in the 200s before while, now, it feels like I am in DKA–diabetic ketoacidosis. There is no better feeling than normalized blood glucose.

To be honest, I was nervous about getting a full lab report. I went ahead and requested one in June when I saw my doctor. I had faith all would be well. With already high cholesterol, I knew if it went up anymore it would be a battle to continue this diet. My A1C was still 5.9. My LDL dropped from 120 to 96, which was awesome because I kept hearing “statin” every time I saw her. My HDL went from in the 40s to 56. My triglycerides were cut in half! My thyroid function improved and so did my kidneys. I cut my insulin usage in half! After this, she told me to continue my diet because, obviously, it is working.

Overall, I have lost 31 pounds. I have gone from a size 16 to a 12. Most of all, I can now look myself in the mirror and not cry; the regaining of self-confidence has been amazing. I have tried low calorie and a few other diets, but I have never had such luck or felt so much better. I am so glad I ignored what most doctors have said and tried this. I will never go back. All the so-called delicious food in the world is not worth it.

Low carb hasn’t just helped me. My husband, parents, sister and brother-in-law have joined me. They, too, have seen improvements. It has been a blessing to change our eating habits together and it has encouraged me so much.

If you are a diabetic, I would suggest you consider trying LCHF. Do your own research about it. I know we are all different and this might not work for you. But, for me, it has been awesome stepping off the roller-coaster and being able to enjoy life more. Feel free to comment below if you have any questions. For those of you who are eating low carb, please share with me in the comments; I’d love to hear your journey!


Whispered Shadows

I’ve waited for this day for a while. For years I’ve dreamed of publishing a novel. This was the first novel I ever started. I originally began writing this in 2005. Over the years, it grew. I actually finished this novel a few years ago, but I never could force myself into the process of publishing.

With the boost of self-publishing, I decided to go ahead and try. My wonder family gladly helped in the process. It took another year for me to get to the point where I was satisfied enough to publish it. It may not be perfect, but that book has come a long way in eleven years and I feel like I am improving as a writer. I look forward to sharing my next novel with you soon!

For those of you that are interested in self-publishing, give it a try. Don’t let anything stop you from going after your dreams. I believe we only fail when we do not try. If you have recently self-published, share your experiences or link to your novel below!

If you are interested in purchasing the Kindle version of “Whispered Shadows” go here. I appreciate the support!

 


Proclaim Or Be Claimed

 

Proclaim Or Be Claimed

 

Pursue – Find the word.

The Bible is full of promises for us. There are answers to each of our situations; we only have to seek Him. Jeremiah 29:13, “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.”

Personally, I need healing. We know that in Isaiah 53:5 and 1 Peter 2:24 that we were healed. That price has been paid and it is one of the promises for us.  Mark 16:18, God said we would lay hands on the sick and they would recover!

So what answers do you need?

Are you anxious? Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Depressed? Nehemiah 8:10, “….Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Broken? Psalms 147:3, “He heals the brokenhearted. And binds up their wounds.”

Fear? 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Anger? James 1:19-20, “19 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Great are the promises of God. Purse the promises that God has for you!

 

Proclaim – Say the word.

Found your promise? Now proclaim it. Romans 10:17 says, “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Hearing, not heard. Hearing is active. Our ability to receive is greatly increased as we read the Word aloud. We believe our voice better than anyone else’s.

It seems repetitive to keep doing and saying the same thing. Soon, we become discourage if we don’t see results. We are part of a generation where everything is at our fingertips. Patience is hard to find because of the instant gratification we see daily. God doesn’t work that way. Faith isn’t instant. It takes time to burry, water and grow those words in your Sprit.

Even if it seems like nothing is happening, it is in your Spirit. God’s Word is alive and will bring life to those situations. We have to hold onto that faith.

Remember, bitter water and sweet can’t flow from the same source, James 3:11. Even if your mind screams otherwise, say the Word that God has given you. Never speak what the devil keeps pushing because that will only send us backward.

 

Possess – Live the word.

Once the Word becomes more than lip service, once it is alive in us, then we have something. This is when our lives fundamentally change.

Hebrews 4:12, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”

The word is alive, powerful and there for our good. We have to let it soak in. Let it be more real than the air that you breathe. I want to profoundly change my life and I have the most powerful tool to do so. I also have the best companion to assist in that.

John 14:26, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.”

Simple steps? Yes, but sometimes it is easier said than done. By God, all things are possible and we can be the one person that starts a revival by allowing God to break every chain in our lives. Our testimonies are powerful and God wants to give us something that will shake this world. Who’s ready?


Marriage Year One

Four years ago today, I started dating the wonderful man that would become my husband. Two years ago today, I said “yes”. One year ago today, I married my best friend and my life changed dramatically for the better.

The first person I dated, I merely prayed for a boyfriend. After that, I prayed differently. I prayed for the man that God desired for me. As time passed, I wondered if there was a man out there for me and it was hard keeping faith. The wait, however, was worth it. He brought me a person that was better than anything I had dreamed, a person who surpassed every hope and was my perfect match.

When Justin asked me out in 2012, I was giddy. Finally, my prayers had been answered. God is faithful. If you are waiting on your “soul mate”, don’t give up. God has the perfect person for you! Never settle for second best when God has your perfect match.

With an answering of prayers, in walks the devil. We have had some difficult trials, we have been through some rough times, but the key was being there for one another without any wavering or questions. He held my hand through a new diagnosis; he helped me ride the roller coaster of emotions that followed and supported me in every choice I made. He has been there for every high and low without complaint and helped me in any way that he could. I always feared I wouldn’t have someone who understood my health, but I have someone on my side who does and who has always been there no matter what. This is invaluable to me and I don’t know what I would do without him.

Proverbs 18:22 says that finding a wife is a good thing and he obtains favor from the Lord. I feel the same about my husband. Paul suggests that being single is the best way to serve the Lord because you can solely focus on Him. Not everyone is called to marry or called to be single. Pray about what God has for you. As for me, I don’t think I could go through life alone and I am thankful for my helpmate. I am closer to God because of Justin.

The first year of marriage is adjustment. It isn’t easy, it isn’t some fairy-tale. It is life, it is difficult, and it is messy. Don’t throw it away just because it requires work. This is one thing about America I can’t stand; we too easily give up on marriage. It is something worth fighting for. You have the choice to make. Only you can choose whether or not your marriage lasts. It isn’t up to your spouse, your parents or your best friend, but you. God can and will help you understand every over-analyzed situation, such as, what your spouse meant when they asked “Are you wearing that?”, when they seem to ignore you or when they, once again, left the towel in the shower instead of putting it in the hamper. Things aren’t always what they seem and don’t be so quick to judge. The question may be a compliment in disguise, perhaps they didn’t hear you, and maybe they were just being absentminded about the towel or exhausted from working hard to provide. The little things shouldn’t be the big things.

Do know I am not talking about people in abusive situations or where their spouse is cheating or generally doesn’t care at all. I would never suggest anyone stay in a place where they are harmed physically or emotionally. You are a beautiful creation who deserves respect!

My husband was married before and has a wonderful son from that marriage who I am proud to call mine. It makes me giggle to hear the term “mom”. At first, it was uncomfortable and I had no idea how to step into that role–honestly, I am still not always sure. Being a step-parent is never easy. We are in that awkward state where we aren’t sure where we belong; we aren’t the child’s biological parent, but we aren’t just some random stranger either. I’ll be honest, this has been one of the hardest journeys of my life, but it has been rewarding, too. To see a child that is genuinely happy to see you, to hear a child say “I love you” and mean it, to be a part of a child’s Spiritual growth and to see the budding ministry is an awesome and humbling experience.

For those “blended marriages”, don’t give up. I know it isn’t easy, but it is worth it. For the biological parents, be patient with the step-parents, this is a big adjustment and especially if they are childless. For both, remember to see the child–not the “other” parent. Be understanding that this is a hard transition for them to make. Be a team and never belittle one another in front of them, but show them God through a loving and stable marriage.

This wasn’t the dream life I had for myself, but it is so much better. God is truly awesome. Don’t miss out on your “forever” just because it isn’t wrapped in some fancy paper or seems “more trouble than it is worth”. Go for the person that God is leading you to. Stick with the spouse God has placed in your life. Try and try harder. Pray and pray harder. Listen and forgive. There are no simple solutions, but God always has an answer.

I am thankful for my wonderful gifts from God. I love my husband and step-son. I look forward to the many years ahead. Happy Anniversary to the love of my life! I look forward to the many blessed years God has for us.


Diabetes: My Story

That trembling, scary moment when you jerk awake from a deep sleep to realize your blood sugar is low. Panic sets in as you try to remember the basics of things. You check your sugar and it’s 47. Not too bad, but it seems like you’re about to die…

I hate it. I hate waking up like that. I hate that shaky numbness that hypoglycemia gives. I hate waking up covered in sweat with the tangible fear of a low. I hate the aftershocks of hyperglycemia if I over treat, but I hate the fear of not having enough and bottoming out more. It’s a fight waking up to a shock to your system like that. I don’t have the words to fully describe how terrifying of a situation it is. The fear of worrying about “will I wake up next time?” is there. I always have woken up, but that thought lingers. Satan loves to whisper it.

I am a type one diabetic. No, it was not something I did. No, there was nothing my parents could do to prevent it. No, it can’t be cured even with “cinnamon”, “okra water” or whatever “Sparks” is. There is no cure for Type One, it is an autoimmune disease. Type One, you have to take insulin either in shot or via a pump or you will die. No ifs ands or buts.

I’ve fought highs and I’ve fought lows–literally and metaphorically–over the years I’ve been a type one. Hypoglycemia unawareness is huge and deadly problem with diabetes. Search “dead in bed syndrome” if you want to know more. Too many people have perished from this and my heart breaks. Children have lost parents, parents have lost kids and spouses have lost partners… This should never happen especially when there is technology that can help prevent that. It is sad to see that few people have access to a CGM[continuous glucose monitor] even though most of them desperately need those lifesaving devices.

While my insurance doesn’t cover the CGM, I am okay with that for now. I have always woken up, I have not passed out from a low and I am able to tell when my glucose is dropping…even if it is dangerously low sometimes before I am aware. That is a blessing and I am so thankful for that. The longer you have diabetes the easier it is to lose that feeling or some have that problem from the beginning.

It was August of 2003 when my life changed forever. I was sick with the stomach flu…or so I thought. I couldn’t breathe and I was so weak I couldn’t stand myself. Honestly, I wanted to die…. I didn’t realize how close to death I was. My Grandpa, Raymond, came over the afternoon and spoke with me. He would talk and I would fall over every little bit. At the time, I had wanted to be alone, but I am thankful that he came by when he did…

After that, my parents took me to the doctor. The doctor wasn’t the one I usually saw so my dad was already annoyed. He was downright livid when the man barely stuck his head in and declared I had diabetes. I can’t blame him; we didn’t even know there were two different types at that time. After a finger stick, they rushed me to the ER via an ambulance. I am not sure what the reading was there, but I do know my sugar was over a thousand at Arkansas Children’s Hospital.

My memory blanks, but I do remember bits and pieces. I remember waking up as they were prepping me for med-flight. The nurses were kind, but all I wanted was my mommy and daddy. I was terrified. I barely remember being in the helicopter. The clearest memory is a hallucination I had. I saw my mom walking away and leaving me at the hospital. I cannot tell you how scared I was. I was trying to get free and get to my mom. It was so bad that they nearly had to tie me to the bed. Thankfully, my grandparents soon arrived. At the time, they were logging up around Little Rock and were able to be there. My parents were on their way, too, but we live two hours away. My grandmother was able to calm me down, but it didn’t last long as I was still confused and didn’t understand. I am so glad someone was able to be there with me.

My turnaround was nothing short of a miracle. They had warned us that with the state I was in, I would be in there a minimal of two weeks. I was discharged after three days. I wanted nothing more than to go home so I worked, I listened and I did what I had to do to get out of there. I appreciated their help, but I despised that place at the time.

Denial is the hardest part. Being a Christian, I believe in healing and I have personally witnessed several of them. With Diabetes staring back at me, it was hard to hold on…and even more so when people I looked up to told me that God would never heal me. Some ministers even dare to blame the person who is sick. It was hard coping with this disease and those thoughtless words didn’t help.

My parents are amazing. They did whatever they needed to do and were always there for me. The rest of my family was a huge support, too. Even though I was the one now “sick”, I wasn’t alone in this because they were all there to help and support me. They have always been there for me and I know that is a big factor in why I am here today.

In 2004, I was blessed with a pump. Thank God they are usually easier to get covered under insurance now, but then it was not. It had not been a year since I was diagnosed when my Endocrinologist recommended one, which was rare at the time. My A1Cs had been pretty well. It dropped from around 13 to 5 something the first time, which was amazing. They wanted me to have more freedom and to help with the lows that I frequently had. ArKids was my insurance at the time and pumps were not something approved very often. I was one of ten–I cannot recall the exact number but somewhere around there–case that was sent out of State to an independent doctor for review. What was amazing I was the last, unexpected candidate added. I remember crying so hard when they said yes.

With a pump, life is made easier. I did the best I could and my doctor called me the “poster child” for diabetes, which motivated me even more. The biggest factor in that were my parents. I took control of my care, but they always asked and made sure I was doing okay. There were hard times, too, even with the pump, but I handled it well because of my family.

In 2009, I lost ArKids. My pump gave me the dreaded “motor error” not one month after that. The lifeline I had was viscous ripped from me. I had supplies that would have gotten me through for a while, but no pump to help. I had no idea what to do. My insulin was free from the company because of how low income I was, but I could not afford anything else. I went from testing 7 times daily to maybe 3. That was scary. No one should have to go without medically necessary items. At the time, I didn’t have access to the wonderful information and support offered on the web so I have no idea of the assistance that was out there. I am just thankful I survived that year.

In summer of 2010, I had insurance again and a new pump. Sadly, my new bad habits followed and it took some time to readjust to taking care of myself properly. When I lost my insurance, I went to a regular doctor who was such a help. He knew next to nothing about diabetes, but he helped me get through the lack of insurance. With a new pump, I needed a new Endocrinologist.

It amazes me how few good doctors there are. I had one doctor humiliate me for being on Medicaid, acting as if I was some lowlife who did not work and did not deserve coverage. I became disheartened and I wasn’t sure what to do. Eventually, I moved back to shots because I hated the three month visits required of my insurance and the two hour drive was too much. There were local doctors that would see me if I went back to shot. I thought I was making a good choice at that time.

My A1C had climbed to the highest it had been since I was diagnosed, although 7.4 is not horrible I know it will kill you eventually. I knew I needed to make a change. Before, the shots hadn’t been an issue, but they weren’t working well enough now. The over a year gap had been too long and I was so thankful to have my “buddy” back. I worked hard and checked up to 14 times daily to drive my A1C down. I cried so hard when I finally saw the 6 month effort pay off and it had dropped to 6.8, which was close to my goal.

I was happy. I felt like I was on the right track. The three month visits didn’t bother me anymore; I was happy to go simply because I wanted to see my A1C. To my shock, it was 7.3. For the life of me, I have no idea why. My blood sugars were the same and there should have been no reason for the change. My Endo was apathetic and would not help me make any changes to better that, but assured me that she would not leave me there. On top of her ignoring my other health issues and mocking any suggestions I had, that was the last straw.

I was torn. I really didn’t know what to do. Medtronic lacks in some areas, but in others they are a great company. They suggested another doctor who was farther away, but I prefer that city over the one I was going to before. She wasn’t taking any new patients at the time, but since Medtronic had recommended her, she was willing to see me.

I wasn’t sure what to expect honestly. Part of me was afraid she wouldn’t be of any help either. However, she has been the most amazing and wonderful doctor I have ever had. After my appointment with her, I cried. I know it might seem silly, but it was so wonderful refreshing to hear a doctor listen and actually care about you. She assured me that she would get me to my next A1C goal of 6.5 and I felt relieved. She has gone above and beyond and I couldn’t be happier. She personally sent my test results to me and even called my mother for an update. She was thrilled to tell us that my A1C was 6.4 and bragged on how well I was doing. Your Endo is one of the most important people of your care team so make sure you have one that does care and is willing to help.

My A1C was up a bit the last time I went back. Not much, 6.8 or so, but that isn’t acceptable for me. I knew I needed to make a change, but I was torn on what to do. For a while, I had seen information about Lchf[Low Carb, High Fat] and I wanted to try that diet in hopes I could drop the lows and highs, but I was reluctant to make such a dramatic change… I knew this would help, but I was scared to try something so different.

Finally, this past month, I decided to make the change with the support of my husband and parents. They wanted to try the diet with me and I knew I could do this with their help. I was pleasant surprised by the food. I am not as strict as some are, I can’t limit myself to just 20 carbs. I do, however, stay right at under 30. Since then, I have lost 10 pounds. Because of lowering my carbs, I have lowered my insulin–basal and bolus both. I take around 60 to 70, which is a dramatic difference from 100 to 120. I went from taking 300 units every 2 to 3 days to less than 200 units every 3 full days. It is amazing. My sugars stay mostly under 100 unless I have treated a low. I cannot wait for my next A1C!

It would have seemed to strange to me a few years ago to speak about diabetes so openly. I was ashamed at first because people want to blame you, but now I proudly share I am because I want people to stop seeing the disease and starting seeing the person. I love the JDRF campaign “T1D Looks Like Me” and I hope it sends a message to people.

No one likes being sick. No one likes having a disease that has such a bad reputation and so many misconceptions. No one likes having to fight daily for their life and their future health. There were points where I hated my life, I wanted diabetes to merely go away. At the same time, I am thankful for what I have been through. It is because of this, I have compassion and understanding. I had heard of diabetes before, but I didn’t understand until I walked in those shoes. My eyes were opened and I saw how difficult it can be.

My point is this: I am thankful for the growth this disease has brought me. I am who I am because of what I have gone through and I am glad. I am strong because I have been pressed. I am able to fight because I have been forced to fight so hard every day for so long. I am grateful He[Jesus] knew I could bear it.

To all you who are diabetics or who love a diabetic, you are special. If you deal with diabetes, you are strong because it isn’t easy. Every day is new. I have done the same thing twice and gotten two different results. I know the frustration and trying times it brings. For those of you that love a diabetic, thank you. You are wonderful. You care and you are there, which is what we need.

Feel free to share your story in the comments below. I would love to hear them!

 

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Happy World Diabetes Day!


Dealing With Grief

Thursday’s morning my Grandfather, Bobby Proctor, passed away. I had gotten up early that morning because I was supposed to go stay with him that day. When I heard a knock on the door, I panicked thinking I had overslept. I wish it that was what my Mom had to say… The very last thing I expected to hear was he had passed.

I knew Papa Bob was close to death, I just didn’t expect it so soon. I thought I had myself mentally prepared for that day…but I was wrong. Part of me was praying and believing deeply for a miracle; I wanted my Grandpa saved, healed and to, finally, be able to have a good life in Christ, but I also prayed for what was best for him. We don’t always understand why things happen the way they do, but we have peace knowing one day we will.

For we know in part and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.” 1 Corinthians 13:9-10.

One day we will understand it all and what a wonderful thing we have to look forward to.

When my Great Grandmother passed, I had the hope of knowing she was in Heaven with her family who had passed on before her. I knew I would see her again, I knew she was pain free and happy… That hope was one thing that kept me going, I knew I would see her again someday, but what about the people we aren’t sure about? How do we cope with their deaths? How do we handle the uncertain and even guilt that follows?

I’ll be honest, I don’t know if my Grandpa is in Heaven or not. I pray with all my heart that he finally called upon the Name Of The Lord before he passed on. One thing I do know, God is merciful and He is gracious. My Grandfather had many close calls and could have died then, but my God kept him alive and gave him so many chances. As long is there is breath in our bodies, there is a chance to be saved, all we have to do is call upon Him.

For ‘whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.’” Romans 10:13.

Death isn’t easy, but, sadly, it is a part of life and I know it is difficult to cope. Loosing someone you love and care about is never simple and the pain never quite seems to go away, but don’t let the grief overwhelm you. I am an emotional person and that’s okay because God created me that way. I cried a lot the day of his passing—in fact, I am crying as I write this—and that’s okay. Take time, mourn, celebrate the good—even if it seems so small and insignificant—think on those precious memories and thank God for the time you had with your loved one(s). Don’t try to bury the pain, let the Lord help you handle it.

My Dad and I were talking the day of my Grandfather’s passing. I thank God for the days I was able to spend with him. The biggest blessing was being able to help him and he actually enjoyed me being there. I have some very special memories that I will always cherish. It was so hard seeing him slowly decline, but those moments where we talked and even laughed are worth their weighed in gold. I know thinking back also brings pain, but remember the good and always be thankful for the time you had. Think on the good things!

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy–meditate on these things.” Philippians 4:8.

When I heard of his passing, I had regrets; I wondered if I done enough, if I said enough, if I had prayed enough… I can’t change anything now, but I did what I felt like the Lord wanted me to do and I know that was enough. If you feel lead to do or say something, do it. Don’t let one chance pass by because you never know if that might be the last opportunity you will have. Every second in our lives are precious and a gift from God so be sure to use it wisely. As I grow older, I see more and more how important time is. Little talks and smiles may seem unimportant or inconvenient, but take the time to give people precious memories. Show people you care about them, make each moment count… Live without regrets.

As children of the King, we are here for one another. Talk to the Lord about any worries or cares, but also reach out to those around you. I know I would rather deal with issues by myself, but it is easiest to attack a sheep when they are by themselves… There are strengths in numbers so don’t feel like you are weak for asking for help and remember the Lord is always with you.

I cope by writing and I thought I would share this piece with you. I pray that God gives you peace in this troubling time. Know that you are His wonderful work and He has beautiful plans for you. Know that you are precious, so precious that He died for you. Never forget that.

My prayers are with you,

K.N. Proctor.


Dreams Do Come True

You know, dreams do come true and I am so thankful for that. I am so glad that God has brought to pass some of my dreams and I know He will bring the rest to pass or help me change the ones that do not fit into His perfect plan.

One thing I have always desired was my soul mate, but it seemed like I would be single forever, like I was the only one without that special person. I held onto the hope that God would soon bring that person into my life, the one that He wanted for me. Before long, He did and I couldn’t have been happier… Until last week.

Our two year anniversary was the 5th. We had gone out to eat and celebrated it the day before since we would be busy with church the day of. I had already given him his gift and I couldn’t wait to get mine. I had a few different ideas and I hoped that maybe I might even get a ring… He, of course, kept his lips tightly sealed. Finally, however, he did bring me my gift and it was what I hoped and prayed for.

Image

(Sorry for the blurry picture)

Beautiful, isn’t it? I had actually looked at a few and this was one I had picked out. While I had hoped/prayed it was going to be a ring, I still was so surprised. Of course being the emotional person that I am, I cried… I was just so happy and excited….what gal wouldn’t be?

Sometimes when we get what we want it doesn’t always work out or we are disappointed, but I can honestly say that this time my dream didn’t match reality and I ended up with something much better than I had imagined. God is so good.

I hope and pray that your dreams come true. Dear beautiful dreamer, never give up hope! God will bring the dreams that He instills in you to pass!

God bless,

K.N. Proctor


You Did It All For Me Original Song

Check out the YouTube video here!

You Did It All For Me

By

Justin Mason and K.N. Proctor

 

Verse One:

The devil is a liar, the father thereof,

I stand in the truth, all from above,

You said it wouldn’t be easy, You said it’d be all right,

I trust in You to guide me through the night.

 

Pre-Chorus:
There will be trails along the way, but You promised You would always stay.

 

Chorus:

You stilled the waters, You cured the blind,

Freed the people, stopped the hands of time,

You took my burdens, nailed to the tree,

You did it all for me.

 

Verse Two:

Here I’ve fallen, time and time again,

You picked me up and freed me from my sins,

Fought the same old battles, listen to the same old lines,

But I trust in You to always be on time.

 

Repeat Pre-Chorus and Chorus.


Take My Hand And Never Let Go Chapter Seven: G Is For Give

Summary: If you could write your love story, what would it say? Would it include the good with the bad? The sadness with the joy? The laughter with the pain? You x OC. A series of drabbles.

Word Prompt: Give.

 

Take My Hand And Never Let Go

By

K.N. Proctor

 

Chapter Seven

G is for Give…

 

 

You had given a lot in your life: time, money, ect. Yet, it never seemed enough. You generally liked helping people, even if it seemed against your flawed personality. The person you wanted to help the most seemed to be the very hardest to reach… You were at a loss, you wanted to rid him of the hauntings of his past so he could finally have a hopeful future.

You watched William curiously, gently chewing on the end of your pencil in thought. ‘If only I could—‘

He raised his brows lightly as you caught you staring. “Are we having problems? Or is your face just stuck like that, dear?”

Your brow twitched, but you tried not to stoop to his level. “No,” you quietly grumbled. “Why are you here anyway?” You had wanted to ask why he was such a jerk, but that wouldn’t end well and just wasn’t polite, so you refrained.

“Do you want me to leave, [Name]?” When you shook your head, he smiled lightly. “Well, then, does it matter?”

“Well, no… But, ugh!” He made you want to pull your hair out, made you want to scream; he was the most frustrating boy you have ever met! It was a wonder that you had been friends this long… “Can’t you just answer one question?”

“Yes,” His lip twitched in a smirk. “I can. I just did, dear. Now, do you mind? We do have an English project due in two days. Don’t tell me you forgot?”

“Of course not!” You avoided looking at him because he would know the truth if he looked into your eyes… It was unsettling how well he could read you. “Uh, I am just putting off until the right time…”

“Hm, would you like my help?”

“Yes…” You were pathetic and you knew it.

He joined you on the floor, and handed you his paper. “Take a look at this and see if it helps you any.”

Somehow, you would find a way to give back to him, a way to help him, but right now you didn’t mind his help. You glanced at him from the corner of your eye. ‘He isn’t so bad… He is even sort of cute from this angle…’

He raised his brows when he saw your stare. “Problem, [Last Name]?”

Never mind! He was ugly! You wouldn’t want him if he were the last man on earth! ‘Still,’ you refocused on your text book. ‘Ugh… Dear Brain, what is wrong with you?’

Despite his annoying behavior, he was just someone crying for help, but so were you. Maybe you could give to each other; you just hoped you gave more than you took.


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