Marriage Year One

Four years ago today, I started dating the wonderful man that would become my husband. Two years ago today, I said “yes”. One year ago today, I married my best friend and my life changed dramatically for the better.

The first person I dated, I merely prayed for a boyfriend. After that, I prayed differently. I prayed for the man that God desired for me. As time passed, I wondered if there was a man out there for me and it was hard keeping faith. The wait, however, was worth it. He brought me a person that was better than anything I had dreamed, a person who surpassed every hope and was my perfect match.

When Justin asked me out in 2012, I was giddy. Finally, my prayers had been answered. God is faithful. If you are waiting on your “soul mate”, don’t give up. God has the perfect person for you! Never settle for second best when God has your perfect match.

With an answering of prayers, in walks the devil. We have had some difficult trials, we have been through some rough times, but the key was being there for one another without any wavering or questions. He held my hand through a new diagnosis; he helped me ride the roller coaster of emotions that followed and supported me in every choice I made. He has been there for every high and low without complaint and helped me in any way that he could. I always feared I wouldn’t have someone who understood my health, but I have someone on my side who does and who has always been there no matter what. This is invaluable to me and I don’t know what I would do without him.

Proverbs 18:22 says that finding a wife is a good thing and he obtains favor from the Lord. I feel the same about my husband. Paul suggests that being single is the best way to serve the Lord because you can solely focus on Him. Not everyone is called to marry or called to be single. Pray about what God has for you. As for me, I don’t think I could go through life alone and I am thankful for my helpmate. I am closer to God because of Justin.

The first year of marriage is adjustment. It isn’t easy, it isn’t some fairy-tale. It is life, it is difficult, and it is messy. Don’t throw it away just because it requires work. This is one thing about America I can’t stand; we too easily give up on marriage. It is something worth fighting for. You have the choice to make. Only you can choose whether or not your marriage lasts. It isn’t up to your spouse, your parents or your best friend, but you. God can and will help you understand every over-analyzed situation, such as, what your spouse meant when they asked “Are you wearing that?”, when they seem to ignore you or when they, once again, left the towel in the shower instead of putting it in the hamper. Things aren’t always what they seem and don’t be so quick to judge. The question may be a compliment in disguise, perhaps they didn’t hear you, and maybe they were just being absentminded about the towel or exhausted from working hard to provide. The little things shouldn’t be the big things.

Do know I am not talking about people in abusive situations or where their spouse is cheating or generally doesn’t care at all. I would never suggest anyone stay in a place where they are harmed physically or emotionally. You are a beautiful creation who deserves respect!

My husband was married before and has a wonderful son from that marriage who I am proud to call mine. It makes me giggle to hear the term “mom”. At first, it was uncomfortable and I had no idea how to step into that role–honestly, I am still not always sure. Being a step-parent is never easy. We are in that awkward state where we aren’t sure where we belong; we aren’t the child’s biological parent, but we aren’t just some random stranger either. I’ll be honest, this has been one of the hardest journeys of my life, but it has been rewarding, too. To see a child that is genuinely happy to see you, to hear a child say “I love you” and mean it, to be a part of a child’s Spiritual growth and to see the budding ministry is an awesome and humbling experience.

For those “blended marriages”, don’t give up. I know it isn’t easy, but it is worth it. For the biological parents, be patient with the step-parents, this is a big adjustment and especially if they are childless. For both, remember to see the child–not the “other” parent. Be understanding that this is a hard transition for them to make. Be a team and never belittle one another in front of them, but show them God through a loving and stable marriage.

This wasn’t the dream life I had for myself, but it is so much better. God is truly awesome. Don’t miss out on your “forever” just because it isn’t wrapped in some fancy paper or seems “more trouble than it is worth”. Go for the person that God is leading you to. Stick with the spouse God has placed in your life. Try and try harder. Pray and pray harder. Listen and forgive. There are no simple solutions, but God always has an answer.

I am thankful for my wonderful gifts from God. I love my husband and step-son. I look forward to the many years ahead. Happy Anniversary to the love of my life! I look forward to the many blessed years God has for us.


About K.N. Proctor

I am an author who is madly in love with my awesome Savior Jesus the Christ. I am also madly in love with my wonderful husband...and, secretly, chocolate. View all posts by K.N. Proctor

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